Doctor suicide: “All I could see were tasks mounting, appointments being booked, and people constantly knocking on my door”

Sarah Jacques remembers the day she came close to killing herself.

The 46 year old former GP from Battle, East Sussex, says she “just snapped” one day at work, drove to the seafront, parked her car, and got out to watch the sea. She stayed there for six hours, thinking about drowning.

“I just kept wanting to walk into the sea. I wouldn’t have tried to swim,” Jacques says. “Looking back, I don’t think I was conscious in that moment of how bad I was, how strong those feelings were. I just felt completely overwhelmed.”

That morning—1 August 2022—began like any other, with a 7 30 am drive to her workplace, a surgery in Heathfield where she worked as a full time partner. “I suddenly found myself crying. I’d never done that before—cried as I drove to work,” she recalls. “I got to work and had to drag myself out of the car—I didn’t want to go in. And then it got to 11 am and even though I hadn’t stopped since 8 my screen was still full. It seemed like I hadn’t made any inroads into the workload. All I could see were tasks, instant messages, more appointments being booked, and people constantly knocking on my door for other things to be done.

“I managed to type ‘help’ by instant message to one of the managers. She came to the room and found me in a distressed state. One of the partners came in and suggested I work from home, so I left. But I drove past my house and to Bexhill beach instead.

“It’s hard to remember what stopped me from walking …