I welcomed the inane chatter during a procedure

Talk about anything else

During the procedure they checked—did I need more anaesthetic? In between sweating, panting, and wincing I said, “Yes please.” Trying to remain polite despite my discomfort. On the outside we are discussing my girl’s name “Yes we called our girl Dylan. It is unusual” I can hear myself saying. At the same time, all I am thinking on the inside is “Where are those threads? What are they doing? When will this be over?” We continue talking about anything else, including my luck at finding a parking space.

The health professional asked “Do you want to take your jumper off?” We hauled my ridiculously thick jumper over my head without disturbing the business end. “Little bit more anaesthetic?” they asked. We’ve come this far I thought “Go on then.” I think the conversation was on Christmas at this point, it was difficult to keep track. It could have been on space abductions for all I cared. But it was there and that’s what mattered.

In it together

They continued with no luck. Leaning back the clinician looked up at me from between my legs. I wondered if she was trying not to show her frustration. They asked whether I wanted to stop the procedure—“I’ll book you in for removal under general anaesthetic?” The idea had merit. But in that moment, all I could see was the saga stretching out and I wanted it over, today. I asked them to give me a minute and then to try again. Both healthcare professionals supplied a constant stream of encouragement, which helped me to find the strength to go on.

I like to think we all breathed deeply, another rummage for minute or so and . . . victory. The health team high fived me and we held a mini celebration, well half of me did, my legs were still spread. “Shall I pop the other one in now?” I’d forgotten about that part. I agreed and barely felt a thing. We had won.

Distraction and relaxant

Recovery involved letting my legs down and lying there chatting about more stuff that didn’t matter but was very important. I took the tea offered and sat in the waiting room willing the pain relief to work. What did I make of the whole thing? It was certainly an experience. Could I have done without it? Yes, of course. But now I can go another 5 years without worrying about it . . . every cloud. The conversations we had were a vital part of the experience, as a distraction and as a relaxant. The babble of usual topics in an unusual situation relaxed me and made the whole thing much easier.