Medical marriages
BMJ 2004; 329 doi: https://doi.org/10.1136/sbmj.0412472 (Published 01 December 2004) Cite this as: BMJ 2004;329:0412472
- Julie Sladden, freelance medical journalist1
- 1Leicester
“Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Doctors are from Krypton,” according to Dr Greg Skipper from the Alabama Physician Health Program (see further information) and he has a point. Medical marriages face many of the same stresses and strains of any marriage but there are some unique issues that face both dual-doctor and doctor/non-doctor marriages.
Although there is no evidence that divorce rates among medics are higher than other occupational groups,1 studies suggest that many medical marriages may be chronically unhappy, yet stable.2 This is not helped by the well documented inability of many doctors to seek help, especially when their relationship is in trouble.3 But it's not all bad news. A group of doctors, married to doctors and non-doctors, were brave enough to tell me their opinions on the issues affecting medicine and marriage, and here they offer some tips on how to have a thriving (rather than merely surviving) marriage.
Box 1: Tips for a successful medical marriage
Make time for each other. Learn to be tolerant and patient. Keep your sense of humour. Try and find other ways of venting the stress from work other than at home. Keep a sense of normality and perspective by mixing with non-medical friends. (Female general practitioner married to non-medic)
Have interests outside medicine and work. Try not to bring work home (often easier said than done) and delegate what you can at work. Accept that you can't solve every patient's problems today--tomorrow may have to do. Screen telephone calls when not on call so you're not persuaded to do extra duties. (Female consultant married to non-medic)
Constantly review your hours of work. Set boundaries. Plan to be at home at evening …
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