Anupama Damera
BMJ 2004; 328 doi: https://doi.org/10.1136/bmj.328.7453.1442-a (Published 10 June 2004) Cite this as: BMJ 2004;328:1442
All rapid responses
Anu was my cousin sister. Although I was brought up in the States,
ever since I was a child my family would visit India and this is when I
first met Anu along with her brother Ashok and her older sister Sumana.
Little did I know at the time the profound influence she would have on my
life.
Throughout the ensuing years we would continue to meet every two or
three years during my summer holidays. Whenever I think of Anu I always
remember her head being buried in the latest novel even from a very young
age. This obviously did not change as she grew up. I can only echo the
thoughts of others when I say she had a brilliant mind to go along with
her beautiful personality.
Eventually I decided to pursue medical school in India so I had the
opportunity to meet Anu much more often. On one of these visits she was
proudly showing me her son Ani's birthday photos when I asked about a girl
that was pictured in one the photos. She proceeded to tease me about the
girl but one thing led to another and that girl became my wife. Anu was
the one to make it all happen.
You will never be forgotten Anu. God Bless.
Madhu Damera
Competing interests:
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Competing interests: No competing interests
I miss my sister, Anu, a lot. She was a very sensitive and beautiful
girl. Right from her childhood, she used to concentrate only on her
studies and didn’t know anything else. When we ask her to come to movies,
she would say "No, I have to study". My uncles used to tease her saying
that she wouldn’t know who was coming in front of her because she would
look down while walking and wouldn’t even look sideways!
Anu worked very hard to reach the top position that she did. When her
research paper got published, she called me and said "Akka, aren’t you
proud of me?” She would always talk about her work and her children. She
had a lot of future plans for her family, especially her kids. She would
start crying if any one of our family members scolded her kids. She loved
nature and told me "When I get old, I'll buy a house in the English
countryside". Just one week before the unacceptable incident of her death,
when we came to know about our cousins’ sudden death in US, she called me
and said "Akka, what a way to die!" I wonder what she would say about her
own mode of death! She was very delicate and couldn’t bear any physical
pain. Why did she have to go that painful way? Why didn’t she have the
right to live?
It is a great loss to my family in particular and to the society in
general, for she was in one of the most respectable professions and could
have served many people.
I believe that Anu will always be with us and Ani. May her soul rest
in peace.
Anu, life is not the same without you.
Competing interests:
None declared
Competing interests: No competing interests
I last saw Anu, about 23 years ago and last spoke to her about seven
years ago , but that doesn't for a moment stop me from saying that she
was indeed a wonderful and caring human being. In some rare instances, you
dont need a lifetime, to come to that conclusion. I knew her parents, her
brother Ashok and sister Sumana. This was a family that was based on a
rock solid foundation of values, love and decency.
She was one year my junior at high school. She was my class-mate and
buddy's little sister. The thought that comes to my mind, when I think of
Anu is, an extremely couretous and well-mannered girl ( I use the word
"girl" liberally as I knew her only as girl).
There were two distinct attributes that Anu possessed in abundance:
academic brilliance and politeness. Oh !! and I forgot something, she was
shy !!!
I still remember an incident. Maybe it doesn't seem as funny when I
write it down here. We were sitting in our Class waiting for our teacher
to show up. The class was very quiet. In walks Anu, rather silently, with
some papers , that she had to drop off on a table at the "farrrrrrr-end"
of the class room. I use to sit on the front bench in the class room. As
soon as she left the papers on the table, I told her "Thank You" in maybe
an intimidating tone. She glanced at me and just ran from our class.
That was Anu !! The gentle soul !!
When she was in UK, I used to hear about the rapid strides that she
was making in life, from her doting brother. Her untimely exit from this
world to the eternal brought only one question to my mind again and again:
Why ??
All I can say, is Anu, you have touched a great many folks during
your short and sweet stay . You are loved and missed dearly.
Believe me when I say this. A mother's love for her child is is
infinite and at times unfathomable. Having said that, your son Ani, is now
with your dear brother and I have no doubt in my mind, that he will
recieve as much love as is humanly possible .
May you rest in peace.
Competing interests:
None declared
Competing interests: No competing interests
I miss my sister, Anu, a lot. She was a smart and wonderful person
with a real sense of humor. She did achieve a lot and just when she was
getting ready to enjoy the fruits of her labor, she was forced to meet her
death in a violent and brutal manner. There is absolutely no reason what-
so-ever for a person to take the life of another and this is not an option
at all for any sane human being. But, the crime has been committed and we
have to live with our loss.
Since 1997, Anu spent her life in Nottingham and Ipswich and it is
here that she found recognition as an excellent research radiologist
specializing in breast cancer. I have heard and read all the eulogies from
everyone from these two places and it is evident that she was very much
loved and respected.
My sister aimed for higher learning and was always a step above in
her thinking. There is no telling what all she could have achieved had she
lived her full life to her natural death.
She loved her two sons very dearly and left no stone unturned for
their well-being and comfort. Her younger son is in her arms and that
leaves me with the responsibility of raising her surviving son and I will
do my best to raise him to the satisfaction of her expectations. This , I
owe it to my sister.
Thank you all for your words of sympathy and deeds of kindness in
time of our loss and also all the good words about Anu, which are a great
source of solace for our family. We are proud of Anu and her life and work
and we hope to keep her name alive. In the memorial service at Ipswich,
Anu’s friend, Dr. Simon Smith, very aptly quoted Samuel Butler who said,
“To die completely, a person must not only forget but be forgotten, and
she who is not forgotten in not dead”. Anu has earned her right to be
remembered and be alive!
May you find eternal peace now, Anu, and do keep watch over Ani and
us from the heavens.
Ashok Damera
Competing interests:
None declared
Competing interests: No competing interests
Anu lives forever
I have known Anu for a long time (almost 20 years). I first knew her
in high school, as a sister of my close friend Ashok.
Later on, I came to know her even more, when we spent almost 5 years
in the same medical school(she was one year junior to me). In the medical
school we became very good friends.
She was always very shy and loving and a caring woman. She was
extremely smart and polite.
I even attended her wedding. After the medical school, I went on to
do a Post graduation in Radiology in Hyderabad and later on I moved to
USA. I heard through my friends that she did her post graduation in
Radiology in Hyderabad and them moved to UK for an advancement in her
career. I was hoping to meeting her at one of the International Radiology
conferences.
When I first read the news in the paper, I was in shock and utter
disbelief,for atleat few days and couldnt believe it, until I called my
folks in UK to confirm.
Anu, you have touched a great many lives during your short and sweet
stay . You are loved and missed dearly. If rebirth is a truth, I would
love to have you as my sister. You make your brother proud.
I pray god, to give Ashok and his family enough strength to endure
this enormous loss.
May you rest in peace.
Suresh Reddy MD.
Competing interests:
None declared
Competing interests: No competing interests