Behind every great woman
BMJ 2000; 321 doi: https://doi.org/10.1136/bmj.321.7273.1421/a (Published 02 December 2000) Cite this as: BMJ 2000;321:1421
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Editor - You forgot:
* pander to the whims of elderly relatives
* select purchase and tastefully wrap all Christmas presents
including mine
* negotiate the minefield of Christmas family rituals, while
keeping everyone happy
* minimise the disturbance to my sleep by calls from the
hospital after mid-night.
Dr Margaret N Logan
Laboratory Director
Gloucester PHL
Competing interests: No competing interests
Sir,
In the very amusing letter from Colin Guthrie [1], and also
in the original article by Trisha Greenhalgh [2], a degree of confusion
arises between 'wife = female' and 'wife = domestic servant'. Judging by
both submissions, it is the latter, gender-free term that is being
discussed most of the time. Unfortunately, many people fail to see the
difference and just assume wife means 'female domestic helper'. That is
where the sexism comes into the frame.
In truth, there are no gender-based jobs; there are merely
'jobs'. With some practice, anyone can attempt these jobs, it is simply that
through 'habit and use', men have come to be associated with one class of
jobs and women with another class of jobs. The jobs themselves are not
innately masculine or feminine as no element of their execution seems to
involve any gender-specific skills..
Regarding the tasks Colin offered, I can add the following
which are commonly performed by the 'wife = domestic servant', but which in
our house are most commonly performed by me:
- check and flush toilets when passing as required
- small repair tasks [e.g. fix toilet seat]
- check oil and water in cars
- load and empty washer/dryer
- arrange clothes in neat piles ready for ironing [which
rarely gets done]
- much washing up
- some ironing [a noble task]
- some judicious Hoovering
- change/empty Hoover bags
- bleach toilets
- change toilet rolls [which women do seem genuinely
incapable of doing]
- clear blocked drains
- empty house bins
- put bin bags outside
- put milk bottles out daily
- fill and self-righteously tend recycling box
- feed hamster
- walk to local shops on small errands [= good thinking
time]
All these tasks keep a busy family going and are essential
to the smooth running of a home. Who does the tasks seems to be irrelevant
as long as they get done regularly. One unfortunate result of all this, if
we are not careful to involve them in parts of the schedule, is that we
raise children completely incapable of doing anything for themselves. And
the children also make the assumption, through direct observation, that men
do certain jobs and women do others, no matter how many times you tell them
it isn't like that. What social historians of the future will make of all
this is anybody's guess!
I will resist the temptation to make any salacious comment
on Colin's other hilarious remarks about certain battery-operated devices
['auto-erotica'] and the general evils of being a male - which are
self-evident matters.
Sources
[1] BMJ letter, Colin Guthrie, We can do some things better
than you..., 5 Dec 2000, http://www.bmj.com/cgi/eletters/321/7273/1421/a#EL10
[2] BMJ 2000;321:1421 (2 December), Reviews, Soundings,
Behind every great woman, Trisha Greenhalgh
http://www.bmj.com/cgi/content/full/321/7273/1421/a
Competing interests: No competing interests
A wife, or a life? I thoroughly enjoyed the list of 'wifely'
requirements, but it could all be so easily summarized as
Wanted: a person to manage all non-professional aspects of my life so
that I can pretend to myself that I have a life. Must also be available to
provide psychological support twenty years from now when it has become
abundantly clear to me that I don't have anything but a profession which
is getting rather tired of me and my outdated opinions.
In other words a sad commentary on modern life where even people who
don't want to be career-obsessed are forced to be, consequently forcing
their partners into equally unwanted roles. I am all for people who want
an unbalanced life having just that - we need a few of them. But should
all of us be expected to so this?
competing interests: am a wife, partner and I each want a life
Competing interests: No competing interests
Editor,
J Bensley should not give up prematurely when searching
for references on personality transplant in PubMed. It is reasonable to
assume that the article by Birnbacher [1] will provide some initial
information on this important subject raised by T Greenhalgh.
[1]Birnbacher D. Identitat der Personlichkeit und Identitat der
Person: Philosophische Fragen im Zusammenhang mit der Transplantation
[...]. Zentralbl Neurochir 1995;56(4):180-5
Reinhard Wentz
Competing interests: No competing interests
This isn't very fair you know. Can we not just accept that 'things
are the way they are?' Please ?.
I have to admit feeling a bit crushed with all this feminism of late.
My wife is doing a Phd on gender issues and now I feel almost excluded
from our bedroom by great columns of feminist literature and filing
cabinets all stuffed with tales of mens' trangressions , failings and
general evil. Now I find it creeping into journals like the BMJ. Only the
other month a pair of lady docs were waxing lyrical on radio 4 on how male
GP's like me will soon be rendered redundant by the 'more emotionally
attuned' female doc. Then the other night came my coup de gras when I
innocently turned on channel 4 and was confronted by a programme on
vibrators.
A string of ladies all said quite forcefully that we men are
concerned with only our own sexual satisfaction.! It seems that increasing
numbers of modern women are now 'finishing themselves off' with a dose of
Duracell whilst hubby sinks off into his post coital stupor.
Where is this all leading?
Trisha's BMJ assault left me trying to think of ten things that we
men can do better than our womenfolk. I'm still sitting here thinking.
Yes, I know , I've thought of one....I take out the rubbish on almost a
daily basis and I know from talking to colleagues and from patients that
this is a task that we men perform very competently, even in extreme
weather conditions. My wife is totally incapable of performing this task.
Then there's those manly jobs about the house that require co-ordination,
strength and frequent return trips to B and Q , like fixing a stray
lavatory seat. Yes, how many women out there have ever tangled with this
most arduous and earthy of tasks? It requires great patience and skill to
line up the raised plastic bolt into the groove and then twist the screw
from the underside whilst ensuring that the rubber washer bit does not
come adrift. A vital job , where would a family be without a stable loo
seat? Then there's ....don't worry I'll think of something else, I know
there's something else I can do better than the wife........just hang on,
there are other things , there must be........don't worry...it'll come to
me...
Competing interests: No competing interests
On reading Reinhard Wentz's Rapid Response, I immediately dashed over
to PubMed. I, unfortunately, was unsuccessful in my searches on
"personality transplant". I did find many references to wise cracking high
school students that should know better.
Requirements for my partner :
Must like Canis familiaris, 2 years old, has problems controlling
urination and defecation on expensive carpets (She won't go on a tabloid
newspaper, only full sheet). Requires tummy tubs, food, veterinary care
and walks.
Seriously, I think any partner of a busy professional who is willing
to support their partner fully and completely in their job deserves alot
of credit. Parenthood is a mighty tough job, obviously. I do agree with
one of the other posters that lots of little things make a bigger
difference than the huge stuff in life.
I take this story as it is meant, as a joke. I think you can all do
the footwork over at PubMed to look at the benefits of a positive outlook
on life, and a good laugh.
Competing interests: No competing interests
I am a full time senior research worker and at the same time a full
time wife. I like your job description for a wife very much, there is
really nothing to add or comment. Instead I would like to comment the
proportion of responses from the gender perspective: five male to one
female. It is interesting.
Ms Ljuba Bacharova MD PhD MBA
senior research worker
International Laser Centre,
Bratislava, Slovakia
Competing interests: No competing interests
My wife and I have both thought of advertising the availability of
these positions in our house. We feel we need one "wife" each. Please let
us know if you sre successful.
Seriously, I think your reflections are simply those of us in this
generation who grew up with a mainly "stay at home" mother upon whom we
relied for management of the household.
This admirable person covered for our own inadequacies and was the
glue that kept our homes together and the grease that lubricated the
running of them.
Two professionals often have conflicting priorities with their
domestic and professional responsibilities and have failures in both. A
"wife" would help prevent this! However, some part time domestic help at
times of crisis will often convey many of the same advantages though
rarely with the loyalty, comprehension and understanding that we fondly
recall.
Brian
Competing interests: No competing interests
Dear Dr. (Overworked) Greenhalgh,
My wife, an overworked physiologist, fullfils all your criteria for a wife, including the quirky breakfast and favourite spoon. But you can't have her. I saw her first.
H.Jacobs
Competing interests: No competing interests
Inferior or superior? Men and Women
In this paper, it gave me an image that behind every superman, there
is a superwoman. Their relationships are either simple or complicated. Men
always will have expectation towards their women. On the other side, women
also have demandings and expectations towards their significance others.
Sometimes, they make lots of contradictions, sometimes they are very
harmonize...
- Bring your unbrella, it will rain later..
- Don't forget to put newpaper back to the cupboard after you read it.
- Enough blankets, enough towels, enough cloths?
- Too cold? Too hot?....
Time is flying away. When men and women getting older and older.
Their huge paraphrase, expectations become cumulative experience, either
meaningful or meaningless in their life.
But if they enjoy it, then why not?
Competing interests: No competing interests