Have you heard who's on Ward 3?

I was once taken to hospital with peritonitis. Like most patients who are well enough to join the queue for an NHS surgical bed, I spent several hours in the accident and emergency department. The admitting doctor apologised in advance for the wait, and wrote me up for a generous slug of morphine.

I had previously spent two years working as a medical registrar at the same hospital. For half a day, I drifted in and …