My wife was shattered and our marriage was nearly shattered, not by my drinking but by the deceit in which I had wrapped it. I am 78. All my adult life I have drunk alcohol, heavily, increasingly. Some years after retirement in 1995, to conceal my drinking I started on vodka. My day became triangulated around alcohol: are the pubs open, does this shop sell half-bottles, dare I ask for another Scotch?

Too often, my wife came home to find me incapable. Once, not understanding, and fearing that I had had a stroke, she took me to the emergency department, and once she called an ambulance. She felt humiliated by the pity the staff showed her and their contempt for me. A crisis erupted around Christmas 2009 when she noticed how frequently I was making large cash withdrawals. I had to tell the truth.

Addiction is selfishness. Having been afraid of the effect on me if my wife found out about my drinking, I had never imagined the devastating effects on her. Suddenly, I seemed to her a fraud. She shrank from family and friends. She developed shingles. She is diabetic: her blood sugar went haywire. Her unhappiness and confusion were palpable. She stated that she could not bear another drunken spell but would leave, and she told our children (each of us had been widowed previously).

At our wedding, her eldest son had expressed gladness that she had found me to look after her. I had not done so. I had devastated her. Nevertheless, he and his siblings were far more supportive than I deserved. My sons were distressed …