I once owned a Soviet Lada Riva—it seemed like a good deal. The mats didn’t fit, it skidded at 10 mph going round corners, and, for a car built for the Siberian wastes, it never started in the cold. But it was a good way to meet my neighbours, who helped to push it every morning. One day an engine fire blazed my Lada to Valhalla, despite regular servicing check ups and an MOT test. I was glad.

Gordon Brown, our new politburo boss, has promised a revolution …