These days, if you do not publish, you perish. Well, you don't perish, but you do not get promotions. With promotions come more responsibilities, more paperwork, more income tax. If you want to stay comfortably in your position, you should not publish. Here are a few tips to get your papers eternally rejected. Proving the efficacy of the method, this article was rejected by the Lancet on 14 May 2004, by the New England Journal of Medicine on 19 May 2004, by JAMA on 27 May 2004, by Science on 24 June 2004, by the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America on 29 June 2004, and by Nature on 30 June 2004.