Identity crisis

In this column last year I described how I had to perform a catheterisation on a flight from Florida with neither gloves nor lubricant. Since then I've become a jinx: a footballer defied the laws of anatomy and swallowed his tongue and I had to make a pretence of extricating it (I felt the crowd expected it of me); an over-enthusiastic lady dislocated a shoulder while throwing her panties at an Elvis impersonator; and my Auntie Mamie fell off a …