How it feels to be a child of donor insemination
BMJ 2002; 324 doi: https://doi.org/10.1136/bmj.324.7340.797 (Published 30 March 2002) Cite this as: BMJ 2002;324:797
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This personal account shows how isolating secrecy in donor assisted
conception can be - and why every step should be taken to stop the
practice of donor anonymity - as has occurred in a small number of
pioneering countries.
My main purpose in writing is to comment on the statement in the
original article that 'the few studies that have looked at us (ie donor
conceived children) have only used parental interpretations of our
emotional state'. This is largely true if the search for research is
confined to the standard sources such as 'Human Reproduction' and
Fertility and Sterility', (although even here, 'Human Reproduction' has
published one research paper that has directly sought the views of donor
conceived people themselves - Turner A J and Coyle A (2000) What does it
mean to be a donor offspring? the identity experiences of adults conceived
by donor insemination and the implications for counselling and therapy
Human Reproduction 15 2041-2051).
There are a small number of other studies that have sought the
experiences of donor conceived people directly that have not been
published in the mainstream press. Interestingly, all of the studies of
which I am aware have been undertaken by donor conceived adults. I am
currently undertaking some research myself into the experiences of family
members (adults nad children)where donor conception has been used.
Olivia Monutschi has already replied to the original article on
behalf of the UK support group, Donor Conception Network. There are two
other similiar groups, The Infertility Network, in Canada, and the Donor
Conception Support Group of Australia, which are firmly committed to
increasing information available in donor assisted conception and seeking
to abolish donor anonymity. There is also a website, DonorsOffspring.com,
which is for people who have been conceived following donor assisted
conception (email: greg@donorsoffspting.com).
Yours Sincerely
Eric Blyth
Professor of Social Work
University of Huddersfield
Competing interests: No competing interests
I found the article How it Feels to be the Child of Donor
Insemination very moving, and I feel sad that such a talented individual
who was raised with the knowledge of their conception, should still have
so many difficulties around the fact of not having information about the
donor. I am a single parent of a four year old daughter conceived by donor
insemination, and I have told her about her origins in a way that she can
understand. Although I do have concerns about how she will feel about this
when she is older, I believe that by providing her with the opportunity to
grow up knowing other children conceived in the same way she will not feel
so isolated. I am a member of the Donor Conception Network, and I have
found them very helpful and informative.
Donor anonymity and access to information may change for children of the
future, and the Department of Health is currently having a consultation
period about Access to Origins Information for those conceived with
donated gametes. Many single women seeking donor insemination are now
choosing to have sperm imported to their clinic from the USA, so that they
and the child may have more information about the donor, and with an
identity release donor the child may have the opportunity to meet him at
the age of 18.
Competing interests: No competing interests
Dear Sir,
Thrilled to know your feelings as a child of DI. But what I personally feel
what is the need of knowing your DI father, because once you come to know
your DI father you will be interested in knowing other brother and sisters
of your DI father and on and on..... So better to stop here. Content
yourself with being the son of your present parents.
Thank you.
Competing interests: No competing interests
I was moved, as surely no-one could resist being, by
the article How it Feels to be the Child of Donor
Insemination. I am the mother of two teenagers who
were also conceived by donor insemination and who,
like the young woman who wrote the article, will never
know the identity of their donors or be able to get further
information about him. What is different for them,
however, is that their dad and I started to tell them
about their origins when they were very small and the
subject has remained on the family agenda for
discussion ever since. What terrible mixed messages
the author of the article had been getting from her
family. How could she not have felt guilty and very
alone with her secret.
Our own children, by contrast, are comfortable talking
with anyone about their DI origins. One would like
more information about her donor, the other, a young
man of 18, only cares that he was brought up in a family
which respected him enough to be truthful.
The Donor Conception Network exists to promote
openness in families created through donated
gametes and to support parents in sharing information
with their children in age appropriate ways. We
recognise that this is a life-long process which is best
started at an age when children will not be able to
remember when they did not know. The Network can
be contacted on 0208 245 4369, email
dcnetwork@appleonline.net or www.dcnetwork.org
Yours sincerely
Olivia Montuschi
Founder member
Competing interests: No competing interests
Interested in the Personal View of the "offspring" from DI, (now a family doctor) having access to only 1/2 of his available family history.It was was important to me and would be to any well-informed person to know family history and cause of death in blood relatives, in order to avoid undesirable illnesses due to stroke, myocardial infarction and others. Calculated age at death of blood relatives I also considered useful info.This can be obtained most reliably from visits to graveyards and I have visited such for that reason.
Information regarding above could also be provided to anonymous writer, but disadvantages would be the possibility of a paternity or even custody dispute. The donor could claim the child as his own, following a "change of heart." Possibility of such disputes could be reduced, but not eliminated completely, if the info would be available to the (now grown-up) child after age 21 years. Even then, there could be a financial claim involving father and issue or child and issue.
One good thing would however result. Knowledge by the child of his natural father would help adoptive father defend himself against being blamed by his offspring for the transmission of undesirable faults or traits."Dad" could rightly say that these either came from the child's mother or her surrogate partner, but not from him. That way there would be fewer intra-family disputes regarding such matters.
Yours faithfully
colin mcgregor mailer
(dept. of ophthalmology
409-450 central ave.,
London, ON--canada,n6b 2e8)
Competing interests: No competing interests
some points in response to a DI child
The article by a DI offspring raised many issues and feelings for me.
Firstly, sympathy for her situation, and respect for her courage in hoping
to challenge the wall of silence in her family. This must be a key
factor, she would surely feel less aggrieved if the truth had been known
to her all along, if her origins had not been unmentionable...I am the
mother of a 6 year old son by DI, who has helped to make a book about his
conception, who hears the issues being discussed regularly (although at
this stage he has rarely raised it himself), who knows how proud I am of
him. I am confident that this openness should counterbalance the most
damaging aspects of the fact he will never have access to the full details
of his donoor's identity...Of course I know he's likely to throw this back
at me in some adolescent rage, but I hope I will be able to support him,
like every other frustration with which he'll need to learn to cope.
My main hope in writing is to urge the author, and any other
interested readers, to think through what the ideal as far as access to
donor details would be, and to let the HFEA know: although the current
exercise is only considering how DI offspring will be able to ascertain
they are not intending to have a child with a half-sibling, or whether
they are a DI child in the first place, there is a final section where
respondents are invited to say anything else they feel is relevant.
This is the place to make a plea for fuller medical histories to be
made available, including details of older relations, for donors to think
more carefully about the consequences of their gift, and for the
professionals and service providers involved also to consider the long
term implications, and to incorporate provisions such as counselling for
donor offspring, sibling tracing and so on in their services.
People involved in the desperate struggle to achieve a family are not
in a position to predict the future needs of their children, or their own
for that matter, but the services need to be set up to be easily
accessible when they are required. I feel that the HFEA ought to be
actively promoting openness, and ensuring that all counsellors and others
who work in the field are in support of this view, and helping the
patients overcome the stigma of infertility to allow them to be open and
honest with their children. The HFEA must break out of the rigid
medical/legal framework to take into account the many different aspects of
using donor gametes, in order to promote the mental and emotional
wellbeing of those who are thus conceived.
Finally, I would also like to urge the author to make contact with
the various support groups in the field, and to share her experiences to
encourage others to do it better in the future...I thank her for writing
the article, which I will be keeping for my son's future reference, and I
hope she succeeds in opening up the discussion in her own family.
Competing interests: No competing interests