Personal Views Personal views

Beyond breaking point

BMJ 2001; 323 doi: https://doi.org/10.1136/bmj.323.7321.1137 (Published 10 November 2001) Cite this as: BMJ 2001;323:1137

I can well remember how irritated I was as a tired house officer having to deal with the “bloody overdoses.” I never imagined that a quarter of a century later I would become one.

I put aside diazepam and chlorpromazine tablets as a sort of insurance policy

The situation unfolded over a few months. I don't know which was worst—the early suspicion and the wondering if I was suffering from pathological jealousy? The onion skin layers of revelation peeled back over a few excruciating days? The awful tension when all was revealed but we remained living together while the new relationship was in full, heady swing? Or the utter loneliness after we parted? It seems, and I have since had this confirmed by others, that a new love affair may make someone who is normally deeply caring quite insensitive. He or she is on such a high that no one else can possibly be unhappy.

I really don't know if I wanted to die. I wanted to escape

Rattling around in a large, previously …

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